my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
