sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
