Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
