I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
