really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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