The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
