Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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