They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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