we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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