remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
