I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
