i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
birth control should be required to get into college
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
