its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
