if you like me you must not know who I am
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
