I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
its liver damage thursday
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
