we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
