but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
