Swine flu. Run for my life!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
