Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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