I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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