dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
