We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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