Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i believe in u and ur pee
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
