i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
