I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
