he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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