Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
