JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize