the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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