when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
