My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
