Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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