Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
