I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
