oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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