You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
