Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
