there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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