Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
