I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Im part way to drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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