omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
