FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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