is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
