tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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