help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
