Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
