So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
