In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
