I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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