There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
